Friday, June 29, 2007
Margi
Hi All - I had a friend ask me to continue to post updates on Margi. Frankly, it has been hard to want to update the blog as her daily struggles to continue each day have become so difficult. Each day she wakes up, takes meds aimed at providing her comfort and relief from pain but they also make her thinking muddled and this frustrates her. Margi does not want to die in this foggy way where she is so out of it that she doesn't realize what's going on. She thinks that she would like more clarity but she balances this with also not wanting pain. She has good and bad days but the cancer is progressing. She doesn't go out much, only to treatments. She sleeps a bit during the day as she is up most of the night. The meds and cancer make her nauseous and she wakes up often during the night. She lives each day as if it could be her last or the start of a miraculous recovery where she will live another 100 years......you never know with Margi!!
Thursday, May 31, 2007
The latest news
Hi All,
Just wanted to let you know that it has been a couple of weeks of stark contrasts. On one hand Margi is struggling to breathe. The cancer in her lungs is making her very uncomfortable, tire easily and making it hard to walk. She is starting to take morphine and other medicines aimed at helping her breathe easier but is struggling with the associated nausea. Hopefully getting the combinations correct she will start to feel some relief.
On the other hand, she has had a nice review in the LA Times:
http://www.overtonesgallery.com/Press/articles/2007/2007_05_25_latimes.html
Her work is getting some good recognition. We, in Tiburon, are trying to help make Margi as comfortable as possible, help her with the neccessary paperwork so that she has access to hospice and palliative care and surround her with love. Rachel and I went with Margi up the hill near the house and had a wonderful picnic. Margi was so happy to be able to make it up the hill and it made us so happy to be able to spend time with her.
all the best,
Anne
Just wanted to let you know that it has been a couple of weeks of stark contrasts. On one hand Margi is struggling to breathe. The cancer in her lungs is making her very uncomfortable, tire easily and making it hard to walk. She is starting to take morphine and other medicines aimed at helping her breathe easier but is struggling with the associated nausea. Hopefully getting the combinations correct she will start to feel some relief.
On the other hand, she has had a nice review in the LA Times:
http://www.overtonesgallery.com/Press/articles/2007/2007_05_25_latimes.html
Her work is getting some good recognition. We, in Tiburon, are trying to help make Margi as comfortable as possible, help her with the neccessary paperwork so that she has access to hospice and palliative care and surround her with love. Rachel and I went with Margi up the hill near the house and had a wonderful picnic. Margi was so happy to be able to make it up the hill and it made us so happy to be able to spend time with her.
all the best,
Anne
Friday, May 18, 2007
Margi's prognosis from the doctor (based on an email from Margi)
In trying to keep you all up to date with Margi's situation, here is an email that Margi sent out yesterday, May 17th, regarding her visit to an Oncologist. Margi has told me that she is okay with me updating the blog with her health situation. She will only use the blog to write her stories from now on. I have removed some names and shortened a bit but the rest is direct from the email.(ag)
Sent Thursday, May 17th from Margi--
Other news (the other side of the seesaw! Or-- the other shoe drops) is that Judy and I went to an oncologist, today and though we liked her very much -- the prognosis is still grim. It wasn't that she gave us new information but it's just hard hearing it every time. Basically she said the cancer in the lungs would most likely be the cause of death and that we were dealing with a matter of months rather than years. She is totally on board with us on making sure we have access to palliative care. And she has no issues or negative judgements about my decsion to decline the surgery chemo route. She said she felt I had a very clear grasp on the nature of this disease and the treatments available and that she would be supportive in any way possible. She has no attitude about the alternative therapies but said that although she hasn't seen evidence that it can change the outcome--if it brings me any comfort it's worth doing it. I'm happy to have her on the team.
I'll be continuing on the C therapy for 3 more weeks under the guidance of the naturopath, at 4 days a week to see if there is any measurable change in the cancer count. Then we'll take it from there.
Sent Thursday, May 17th from Margi--
Other news (the other side of the seesaw! Or-- the other shoe drops) is that Judy and I went to an oncologist, today and though we liked her very much -- the prognosis is still grim. It wasn't that she gave us new information but it's just hard hearing it every time. Basically she said the cancer in the lungs would most likely be the cause of death and that we were dealing with a matter of months rather than years. She is totally on board with us on making sure we have access to palliative care. And she has no issues or negative judgements about my decsion to decline the surgery chemo route. She said she felt I had a very clear grasp on the nature of this disease and the treatments available and that she would be supportive in any way possible. She has no attitude about the alternative therapies but said that although she hasn't seen evidence that it can change the outcome--if it brings me any comfort it's worth doing it. I'm happy to have her on the team.
I'll be continuing on the C therapy for 3 more weeks under the guidance of the naturopath, at 4 days a week to see if there is any measurable change in the cancer count. Then we'll take it from there.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Monday, May 14, 2007
Margi's opening at Overtones gallery
Hi All - Just got back home from Margi's opening in LA. It was a fabulous opening and the work looked great. The gallery owner, Elizabeta, had done a wonderful job framing and hanging the show. The placed was packed and Margi sold one of her snake pieces. Margi was not feeling great the day of the show but by that night, with help from Caroline doing a biofeedback treatment, rest and some good ole ibprofen, Margi rose to the occasion and truly enjoyed the night. The part that Margi liked the best was seeing all of her wonderful friends and being in the middle of all the conversations and love. She slept pretty well that night and around noon Brad, a very dear friend, picked her up from the Jolly Roger to head back up to Tiburon.
Keep up the loving thoughts and energy that you are all sending her. She is receiving it and believes that it is really helping her. Larry and Gina - Margi saw you at the opening and was sorry not to have been able to speak to get to you before you left. She really appreciated seeing you there and wanted to give you a hug! Email her if you get a chance.
Best,
Anne
Monday, May 07, 2007
Margi's show and update
Hi friends and family of Margi,
Margi's show at Overtones gallery in Los Angeles is opening this Saturday, May 12th. The opening is from 7 - 10pm. She will be there.
11306 Venice Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA
90066
t: 310.915.0346
http://www.overtonesgallery.com/About/index.html
I saw Margi on Sunday, May 6th. She is staying with her cousin Judy and Judy's husband Clyde up in Tiburon, CA. She looked great though very thin. She must way around 95 pounds. Her cancer is no longer in remission as you've probably read in the last blog entry and she is undergoing intraveneous megadoses of vitamin C twice a week. She has decided not to go through, at this time, the chemo and surgery route. Margi decided that the recovery from the surgery and then the chemo necessary afterwards would be so dibilitating that the balance of the possible extra time that it may give her compared with the quality of her life after the operation wasn't worth the ordeal. She would rather, at this time, try an alternative. She values the ability to be able to go for a walk and eat a meal without nauseau. At this time she is not feeling a lot of pain. Some discomfort from the ascetis and she tires easily. We went for a gorgeous walk near where she is staying and even in her current physical state she is able to walk up the hill and go for a pretty vigorous hilly walk. We had a great meal in Tiburon and looked into taking a ferry over to Angel Island. She is in a great location and accessible by ferry from San Francisco.
I live just a couple of hours from where she is staying and will try and keep blogging with news from Margi.
Best,
Anne
Margi's show at Overtones gallery in Los Angeles is opening this Saturday, May 12th. The opening is from 7 - 10pm. She will be there.
11306 Venice Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA
90066
t: 310.915.0346
http://www.overtonesgallery.com/About/index.html
I saw Margi on Sunday, May 6th. She is staying with her cousin Judy and Judy's husband Clyde up in Tiburon, CA. She looked great though very thin. She must way around 95 pounds. Her cancer is no longer in remission as you've probably read in the last blog entry and she is undergoing intraveneous megadoses of vitamin C twice a week. She has decided not to go through, at this time, the chemo and surgery route. Margi decided that the recovery from the surgery and then the chemo necessary afterwards would be so dibilitating that the balance of the possible extra time that it may give her compared with the quality of her life after the operation wasn't worth the ordeal. She would rather, at this time, try an alternative. She values the ability to be able to go for a walk and eat a meal without nauseau. At this time she is not feeling a lot of pain. Some discomfort from the ascetis and she tires easily. We went for a gorgeous walk near where she is staying and even in her current physical state she is able to walk up the hill and go for a pretty vigorous hilly walk. We had a great meal in Tiburon and looked into taking a ferry over to Angel Island. She is in a great location and accessible by ferry from San Francisco.
I live just a couple of hours from where she is staying and will try and keep blogging with news from Margi.
Best,
Anne
Saturday, March 24, 2007
The Big December Scare
(from Margi)
I think that the big scare last December (when the nurse in Memphis misread the results of my CA125 test) served a purpose. She actually read the patient I.D. number, which unfortunately was over 1000 and would have been higher than my original Stage IV number in February 2006. The actual CA125 test value fortunately turned out to be 12-- a nice number well within the normal (0-35) range. But the mistake wasn’t discovered for almost a week. Okay-- the purpose of that torturous time you are asking?
Well, after listening to an oncologist in L.A. describe the likely scenario that conventional medicine had in store for me—exploratory surgery and likely implanting a chemo-pump into my abdomen so that I could undergo “extended” chemotherapy, as in, for the duration-- whatever that might be-- and very possibly a colostomy just for extra fun. He also mentioned that the costs would be astronomical (his exact word) and that I would never be able to afford it and so he would refer me to L.A. County Hospital. I suppose they have a special program for those who are ready to donate their live bodies to medical science…
So in the spirit of contributing to medical science I decided I would prefer, this time around, to be the lab animal for a different set of experiments. ‘The ‘Big December Scare’ as I now refer to it, prompted me to take a look at alternative therapies for cancer treatment. There were many therapies out there and I suppose I chose this particular one for it’s overall approach of building up the immune system while also removing toxins in the body. (I never really fully recovered from the energy draining effects of the chemo or the general feeling of nausea. Nor have I been able to completely rid myself of that come and go sinus/chest infection.) So, when my recent CA125 came out at 251 I hightailed it to the Big Island at a Naturopathic Retreat where “Gerson Therapy” along with other therapies are offered.
Dr. Baylac is a naturopathic doctor who runs the Center. In addition to the G.T. she tailors the routine to address individual problems. She is also a psychologist which is helpful in dealing with the fear factor.
My current address for the next few weeks is:
17-502 Ipuaiwaha Street
Keaau, Hawaii 96749
In this address the English word ‘street’ has the highest consonant to vowel ratio.
Maybe it’s the influence of the volcanoes—volcano culture—living in a place where the earth’s mouth is O-shaped and ready to blow smoke rings into the sky.
Hawaii is filled with vowels. All the extra I’s and O’s and U’s give me comfort and reminds me I.O.U. all! But I am especially fond of the O’s. O for open ended. O for
the chanting sound Ooooooooohhhhmmm. O for the circular cycles of life and death
and life and on and on and on. Okay, O for off too. O for Oh thank-you soooo much
for loving me. O for of course. O for oops and oingy boingy. O for ovaries growing healthy. And O for the mouth of the volcano, Pu’u O’o, who slowly flows her hot molten lava onto the open sea.
Time of Day (Gerson style):
8am (so to speak)
Orange juice
Breakfast-- fresh fruit (assorted), oatmeal, raisins.
Supplements:
Acidol 2 tabs (enzymes—pepsin, betane HCI, raw pancreas)
Potassium compound (added to juice)
Lugols (iodine—added to juice)
Thyroid 1/2 grain (levothyroxine T4-- 19mcg, liothyronine T3-- 4.5mcg)
Niacin 50 mgs
Pancreatin—3 tabs (digestive enzymes—325mg)
CoEnzymeQ10 (200 mg)
Inf-zyme Forte-- 3tabs (proteolytic enzymes complex: pancreatin, bromelain, papain,
trypsin,chymotrypsin, rutin, lipase, zinc, superoxide dismutase, catalase, L-cysteine)
Vitamin C 500mg (citrus bioflavinoid complex 250mg—hesperidin,naringin, flavones
& phenolics)
9am
Green juice (w/ potassium)
Vit C
9:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/potassium & iodine)
Vit C
10am
Apple/carrot juice (w/P & I)
Thyroid tab
Niacin
Vit C
11am
Liver caps 2-- 500 mg (defatted, bovine)
B12 injection
12noon
Green juice (w/P)
Vit C
12:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/P&I)
Lunch—cooked & raw vegetables & salad, etc.
Flax seed oil 1tbsp
Supplements same as with breakfast plus Indole-3-Carbinol 200mg
Probiotics
1:30
Green juice (w/P)
Vit C
2:30
Liver caps 2
3:30
Liver caps 2
4:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/P&I)
Supplements—thryroid, niacin, pancreatin, Vit C
5:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/P&I)
Dinner—cooked & raw vegetables & salad, etc
Flax seed oil 1tbsp
Supplements same as lunch
6:30
Green juice (w/P)
Supplements—niacin & Vit C
Before bed
Melatonin 20mg
*All juices are fresh squeezed
In general, it is a low sodium, low fat, low protein diet designed to transform the
body into an inhospitable environment for cancer cells…
Ride the Current
Take me
to a quiet place
where I can hear
the sounds that are small.
Let the wind lift
and whirl me round.
A feather’s dance
in lightness of air.
Spinning first upwards
then down
to ride
water’s rippled surface.
Air
water
up
down --
the feather sees no difference
between the currents.
I think that the big scare last December (when the nurse in Memphis misread the results of my CA125 test) served a purpose. She actually read the patient I.D. number, which unfortunately was over 1000 and would have been higher than my original Stage IV number in February 2006. The actual CA125 test value fortunately turned out to be 12-- a nice number well within the normal (0-35) range. But the mistake wasn’t discovered for almost a week. Okay-- the purpose of that torturous time you are asking?
Well, after listening to an oncologist in L.A. describe the likely scenario that conventional medicine had in store for me—exploratory surgery and likely implanting a chemo-pump into my abdomen so that I could undergo “extended” chemotherapy, as in, for the duration-- whatever that might be-- and very possibly a colostomy just for extra fun. He also mentioned that the costs would be astronomical (his exact word) and that I would never be able to afford it and so he would refer me to L.A. County Hospital. I suppose they have a special program for those who are ready to donate their live bodies to medical science…
So in the spirit of contributing to medical science I decided I would prefer, this time around, to be the lab animal for a different set of experiments. ‘The ‘Big December Scare’ as I now refer to it, prompted me to take a look at alternative therapies for cancer treatment. There were many therapies out there and I suppose I chose this particular one for it’s overall approach of building up the immune system while also removing toxins in the body. (I never really fully recovered from the energy draining effects of the chemo or the general feeling of nausea. Nor have I been able to completely rid myself of that come and go sinus/chest infection.) So, when my recent CA125 came out at 251 I hightailed it to the Big Island at a Naturopathic Retreat where “Gerson Therapy” along with other therapies are offered.
Dr. Baylac is a naturopathic doctor who runs the Center. In addition to the G.T. she tailors the routine to address individual problems. She is also a psychologist which is helpful in dealing with the fear factor.
My current address for the next few weeks is:
17-502 Ipuaiwaha Street
Keaau, Hawaii 96749
In this address the English word ‘street’ has the highest consonant to vowel ratio.
Maybe it’s the influence of the volcanoes—volcano culture—living in a place where the earth’s mouth is O-shaped and ready to blow smoke rings into the sky.
Hawaii is filled with vowels. All the extra I’s and O’s and U’s give me comfort and reminds me I.O.U. all! But I am especially fond of the O’s. O for open ended. O for
the chanting sound Ooooooooohhhhmmm. O for the circular cycles of life and death
and life and on and on and on. Okay, O for off too. O for Oh thank-you soooo much
for loving me. O for of course. O for oops and oingy boingy. O for ovaries growing healthy. And O for the mouth of the volcano, Pu’u O’o, who slowly flows her hot molten lava onto the open sea.
Time of Day (Gerson style):
8am (so to speak)
Orange juice
Breakfast-- fresh fruit (assorted), oatmeal, raisins.
Supplements:
Acidol 2 tabs (enzymes—pepsin, betane HCI, raw pancreas)
Potassium compound (added to juice)
Lugols (iodine—added to juice)
Thyroid 1/2 grain (levothyroxine T4-- 19mcg, liothyronine T3-- 4.5mcg)
Niacin 50 mgs
Pancreatin—3 tabs (digestive enzymes—325mg)
CoEnzymeQ10 (200 mg)
Inf-zyme Forte-- 3tabs (proteolytic enzymes complex: pancreatin, bromelain, papain,
trypsin,chymotrypsin, rutin, lipase, zinc, superoxide dismutase, catalase, L-cysteine)
Vitamin C 500mg (citrus bioflavinoid complex 250mg—hesperidin,naringin, flavones
& phenolics)
9am
Green juice (w/ potassium)
Vit C
9:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/potassium & iodine)
Vit C
10am
Apple/carrot juice (w/P & I)
Thyroid tab
Niacin
Vit C
11am
Liver caps 2-- 500 mg (defatted, bovine)
B12 injection
12noon
Green juice (w/P)
Vit C
12:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/P&I)
Lunch—cooked & raw vegetables & salad, etc.
Flax seed oil 1tbsp
Supplements same as with breakfast plus Indole-3-Carbinol 200mg
Probiotics
1:30
Green juice (w/P)
Vit C
2:30
Liver caps 2
3:30
Liver caps 2
4:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/P&I)
Supplements—thryroid, niacin, pancreatin, Vit C
5:30
Apple/carrot juice (w/P&I)
Dinner—cooked & raw vegetables & salad, etc
Flax seed oil 1tbsp
Supplements same as lunch
6:30
Green juice (w/P)
Supplements—niacin & Vit C
Before bed
Melatonin 20mg
*All juices are fresh squeezed
In general, it is a low sodium, low fat, low protein diet designed to transform the
body into an inhospitable environment for cancer cells…
Ride the Current
Take me
to a quiet place
where I can hear
the sounds that are small.
Let the wind lift
and whirl me round.
A feather’s dance
in lightness of air.
Spinning first upwards
then down
to ride
water’s rippled surface.
Air
water
up
down --
the feather sees no difference
between the currents.
Saturday, March 17, 2007
Margi & the volcano
On Tuesday, March 13, Margi flew to the big island of Hawaii to participate in an alternative medicine program to treat her cancer. This trip was spurred by a CA-125 test the previous week that came back with a count of 251 (normal range for the CA-125, which tests for ovarian cancer, is 0-35). She made the decision to go to Hawaii very soon after getting the test results, so was not able to let very many people know she was going. She will probably be there a total of two weeks.
The Gerson Therapy program focuses on nutrition, organic foods, meditation and positive thinking, from what I can gather from the website. There are also enemas. (As Margi says, she's "getting it from both ends," but at least the coffee enemas mean she gets a little caffeine each day!) You can read more about the program by visiting its website:
http://www.gersonhawaii.us/
While Margi has some access to email while she's there, it is very limited access, as they discourage people from spending very much time in front of computer screens. So if you write to her, don't be surprised if it's a rather long time before you hear back. She's focusing hard on trying to help her body heal.
Main attractions of the program for her, aside from her desire to try a non-traditional approach to strengthening her body against the illness, are the presence of a live volcano nearby, warm ocean waters to swim in, and sea turtles to perhaps swim with.
The Gerson Therapy program focuses on nutrition, organic foods, meditation and positive thinking, from what I can gather from the website. There are also enemas. (As Margi says, she's "getting it from both ends," but at least the coffee enemas mean she gets a little caffeine each day!) You can read more about the program by visiting its website:
http://www.gersonhawaii.us/
While Margi has some access to email while she's there, it is very limited access, as they discourage people from spending very much time in front of computer screens. So if you write to her, don't be surprised if it's a rather long time before you hear back. She's focusing hard on trying to help her body heal.
Main attractions of the program for her, aside from her desire to try a non-traditional approach to strengthening her body against the illness, are the presence of a live volcano nearby, warm ocean waters to swim in, and sea turtles to perhaps swim with.
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Margi's show in downtown LA opens next Saturday evening, October 14, with a reception from 6-9 p.m. at the downtown L2 Kontemporary Gallery, 990 N. Hill Street, #205, Los Angeles, CA 90012-1753, (626) 319-3661.
http://www.artscenecal.com/Announcements/0906/L2kontemporary0906.html
http://www.artscenecal.com/Announcements/0906/L2kontemporary0906.html
Sunday, September 24, 2006
alternatives to the poison
Hello friends,
It’s been busy for me since I left the “bubble” but I’ve been meaning to get some information to everyone…..
I was able to attend one of the days of the Cancer Control Society Convention over Labor Day weekend. The Society is a resource for alternative therapies to cancer treatments and other debilitating diseases (rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, Hepatitis and other immune compromised diseases). It was a fascinating day with lots of speakers and booths and information about options to the standard treatments of chemotherapy, surgery and radiation! There are alternatives that are working!!!!!
I also went on the day tour to some of the Clinics in Tijuana, Mexico that are providing these therapies in a hospital or clinic setting. It was fascinating and some of these clinics have been around for 30 years! Generally, they build the immune system and detoxify the body as well as address the cancer in a way that does’t have the damaging side effects that chemo and radiation have. it was exciting to see these therapies helping people! And one of the clinics was using the same Biofeedback program that i am using! yea!!!!
If anyone would like this information, please feel free to contact me or contact the Cancer Control Society at www.cancercontrolsociety.com or 323-663-7801.
I know that we are all grateful that the path that Margi had to walk has proved successful for her, and I don’t discount the work that the doctors are doing. But if anyone is faced with the decisions that Margi has had to face, then I want everyone to know that there are options out there that are working and worth checking out.
cm
It’s been busy for me since I left the “bubble” but I’ve been meaning to get some information to everyone…..
I was able to attend one of the days of the Cancer Control Society Convention over Labor Day weekend. The Society is a resource for alternative therapies to cancer treatments and other debilitating diseases (rheumatoid arthritis, chronic fatigue syndrome, Hepatitis and other immune compromised diseases). It was a fascinating day with lots of speakers and booths and information about options to the standard treatments of chemotherapy, surgery and radiation! There are alternatives that are working!!!!!
I also went on the day tour to some of the Clinics in Tijuana, Mexico that are providing these therapies in a hospital or clinic setting. It was fascinating and some of these clinics have been around for 30 years! Generally, they build the immune system and detoxify the body as well as address the cancer in a way that does’t have the damaging side effects that chemo and radiation have. it was exciting to see these therapies helping people! And one of the clinics was using the same Biofeedback program that i am using! yea!!!!
If anyone would like this information, please feel free to contact me or contact the Cancer Control Society at www.cancercontrolsociety.com or 323-663-7801.
I know that we are all grateful that the path that Margi had to walk has proved successful for her, and I don’t discount the work that the doctors are doing. But if anyone is faced with the decisions that Margi has had to face, then I want everyone to know that there are options out there that are working and worth checking out.
cm
Etiquette Alert
Dear Blogwatchers,
It has come to the attention of our Office that one Margi Scharff, aka Wonwulf, aka The Wild and Woolly (although once temporarily hairless) Traveler of the Western and Eastern World, is about to return to El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de Los Angeles.
Ms. Scharff is projected to be projected into the airport known to various lax personages as LAX on Friday, September 29, 2006. She will immediately be conveyed to the first of various safe houses, from which she will issue proclamations when she is damn well ready, thank you very much.
Ms. Scharff catapulted into Memphis, TN some time in the last week or so (our sources either lack the proper information or are asking too much money for it), allegedly to see her family. How she managed to elude the proper authorities and SNEAK into the United States without notice, we have not been able to ascertain, but our operatives are at this very moment moving stealthily through various communities attempting to collect information concerning this serious breach of rational security.
The surreptitious nature of Ms. Scharff’s return to her natal land no doubt owes A GREAT DEAL to her continuing violation of Cyberspace Rules, although said Rules have been enumerated to her innumerable times; to wit, the Essential Law of Blogs, which is that new data MUST be periodically injected into the permeable plasma of the plausible plutosphere from time to time, or the whole thing stutters and dies, sort of like that sourdough starter we had years and years ago which needed a steady infusion of flour every week or it starved, and it was just too much of a responsibility, wasn’t it, so we eventually threw the whole thing in the trash with only a tiny little whimper of guilt and a much larger sense of relief, now, didn’t we?
But we digress. And then we just stop, flat. Because we’re like that.
Sincerely,
Director of Cyberspace Etiquette
Monday, July 10, 2006
Margi in the flesh in the clouds
Monsoon clouds in Mcleodganj -- on the rooftop of the Him Queen Annex.
I’m sitting in the middle of a cloud, completely surrounded by opaque air, and the sky beyond is a mystery. The rains fall intermittently. Occasionally the cloud gathers itself in varying degrees of density and brightness — until the mood shifts and the veil becomes completely uniform. A blank slate, soft and fluffy, with no clues of what lies beyond.
Tonight I head back down to Delhi for my blood test and check-up 4 weeks after chemo #6. Brian will accompany me on the train and help me cope with the jitters that come with the hospital visits. Hopefully, it will be a short visit — no more chemo is scheduled and this thrills me to the core. Also, according to the Delhi weather report, the temperature has been hovering just above 100 degrees, with humidity in the high 80s. The monsoon has not yet graced Delhi. So I hope to zip in and back out in just a few days time. As long as my CA-125 level remains low, I won’t need another check-up for another month or so -- when I’ll return for a fresh look inside my body with a CT scan.
Here in Mcleodganj, I have started seeing a Tibetan doctor, Yeshi Dhonden, former doctor of the Dalai Lama, in preparation for the end of chemotherapy — to ward off the return of any cancer demons. He has worked with cancer patients around the world and particularly in San Francisco in affiliation with a Cal State University program that focuses on breast cancer. (You can google him for further info.) He has given me a course of pills that look like polished balls of dirt and also taste like dirt. His translator tells me the pills will keep the cancer from returning. A week’s supply costs 60 rupees. There is no charge for the consultation.
My most immediate concern is to drive away a creeping sinus and lung infection — it would be a shame to succumb to a cold after surviving all that chemo. It’s the same bug, I believe, that hit me in Delhi just before chemo #6 — that Dr. Rajan gave me antibiotics for-- which I had to quit too soon because of the rollercoaster-sledgehammer effects of chemo #6 (just couldn’t keep things down). So now I am coming at it from all angles: back on the antibiotic from Rajan as well as some Tibetan medicine (more dirt pills) from Yeshi Dhonden and some effervescent Airborne tablets from Penelope and Deane and colloidal silver sinus spray from Susan and QX from Carolyn and of course, ginger tea from the Hakeem brothers at Him Queen… That should do the job.
On a more important note -- I read today that the Dalai Lama is currently suffering from fatigue and lung and chest congestion. He was admitted to the Tibetan hospital here 2 days ago, just after his birthday. The doctors have prescribed 10 days of complete rest along with Tibetan herbal medicine (dirt pills) and they have canceled all of his current engagements, which included lectures in Europe. He had just completed 10 days of intense 'teachings' here in McLeodganj. They attribute his fatigue in part to his hectic schedule. No doubt -- there were people from around the world here to attend the 10 days of teachings. I wish him well.
In the meantime, I’m here in the cool monsoon clouds of the Indian Himalaya, alternately working and resting. My monsoon cloud has thinned a bit and I think I can make out some shapes of things I already know are out there. A first-time looker would never know about the expansive valley below or the high mountain peaks above. Time seems suspended in this no-sunrise-sunset and so-very-still atmosphere. For the moment, there is no hurry.
(email from Margi, received by Penelope - she asked me to post it, as she was too tired Sunday night to post it herself)
I’m sitting in the middle of a cloud, completely surrounded by opaque air, and the sky beyond is a mystery. The rains fall intermittently. Occasionally the cloud gathers itself in varying degrees of density and brightness — until the mood shifts and the veil becomes completely uniform. A blank slate, soft and fluffy, with no clues of what lies beyond.
Tonight I head back down to Delhi for my blood test and check-up 4 weeks after chemo #6. Brian will accompany me on the train and help me cope with the jitters that come with the hospital visits. Hopefully, it will be a short visit — no more chemo is scheduled and this thrills me to the core. Also, according to the Delhi weather report, the temperature has been hovering just above 100 degrees, with humidity in the high 80s. The monsoon has not yet graced Delhi. So I hope to zip in and back out in just a few days time. As long as my CA-125 level remains low, I won’t need another check-up for another month or so -- when I’ll return for a fresh look inside my body with a CT scan.
Here in Mcleodganj, I have started seeing a Tibetan doctor, Yeshi Dhonden, former doctor of the Dalai Lama, in preparation for the end of chemotherapy — to ward off the return of any cancer demons. He has worked with cancer patients around the world and particularly in San Francisco in affiliation with a Cal State University program that focuses on breast cancer. (You can google him for further info.) He has given me a course of pills that look like polished balls of dirt and also taste like dirt. His translator tells me the pills will keep the cancer from returning. A week’s supply costs 60 rupees. There is no charge for the consultation.
My most immediate concern is to drive away a creeping sinus and lung infection — it would be a shame to succumb to a cold after surviving all that chemo. It’s the same bug, I believe, that hit me in Delhi just before chemo #6 — that Dr. Rajan gave me antibiotics for-- which I had to quit too soon because of the rollercoaster-sledgehammer effects of chemo #6 (just couldn’t keep things down). So now I am coming at it from all angles: back on the antibiotic from Rajan as well as some Tibetan medicine (more dirt pills) from Yeshi Dhonden and some effervescent Airborne tablets from Penelope and Deane and colloidal silver sinus spray from Susan and QX from Carolyn and of course, ginger tea from the Hakeem brothers at Him Queen… That should do the job.
On a more important note -- I read today that the Dalai Lama is currently suffering from fatigue and lung and chest congestion. He was admitted to the Tibetan hospital here 2 days ago, just after his birthday. The doctors have prescribed 10 days of complete rest along with Tibetan herbal medicine (dirt pills) and they have canceled all of his current engagements, which included lectures in Europe. He had just completed 10 days of intense 'teachings' here in McLeodganj. They attribute his fatigue in part to his hectic schedule. No doubt -- there were people from around the world here to attend the 10 days of teachings. I wish him well.
In the meantime, I’m here in the cool monsoon clouds of the Indian Himalaya, alternately working and resting. My monsoon cloud has thinned a bit and I think I can make out some shapes of things I already know are out there. A first-time looker would never know about the expansive valley below or the high mountain peaks above. Time seems suspended in this no-sunrise-sunset and so-very-still atmosphere. For the moment, there is no hurry.
(email from Margi, received by Penelope - she asked me to post it, as she was too tired Sunday night to post it herself)
Thursday, June 22, 2006
Some views of India, explained
Couldn't figure out how to combine words and text, so here's about the pictures below: Margi on the roof of Ashoka Indian Restaurant, Mcleodganj; Margi on the trail to Bhagsu waterfall, leaving me in the dust; Margi and hydrotherapy in the stream that leads to the waterfall (she liked lying on this rock because she had water flowing on both sides, so complete auditory immersion, as well as cold water flowing over hands and feet and stimulating sensation); Margi and Vinod Shanti, who made us great chai and meals at Angus' house in Dharamkot, above Mcleodganj; Margi and Brian, the computer genius and music/film maven, who with his wonderful wife Sonia brought us movies and meals and took us on trips around the countryside; the hat girls. Margi took the last picture, with my camera upside down out at arm's length, on a rectangular rock where we picnicked above Bhagsu waterfall. I was tempted to post it as taken, inverted.
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
chemo #6 almost
hello,
well, actually, there hasn't been a chemo #6 yet, since Margi's WBC (white blood count) was too low for them to safely give the chemo. so she had an extra night in the hospital and was given some IV solutions to help boost her system and then will have the chemo today, pending results from the lab.
it is surprising that her count was low, since she seems to be doing ok (no fever, no diarrhea). she did have a couple of tougher days this past time in D'sala with some diarrhea and a short-lived fever, but that had seemed to pass without incident, so it leaves us all a bit perplexed. Margi was thinking that the insecticide spray at the hotel might have contributed to her not feeling so well....just too much for her system to handle with chemo and everything else.
they did a chest xray yesterday, but that was clear. she has been feeling more lightheaded these past couple of weeks, but that doesn't seem to be related to the low WBC count, according to the doctors. when i spoke to her this morning, she was feeling better, so the IV has done something good.
Margi is entertaining herself at the hospital while i am running around trying to do the last minute things before i leave. thank goodness Deane is coming so that Margi will have someone to be with her when i leave! their train tickets have been changed to Sunday night to accomodate the chemo schedule. it will be a hot couple of days for Deane, but there is AC to retreat so i'm sure she'll be entertained with all that is around here.
i've contacted her friends here in Delhi, so they know that she might need some support in the next few days before she leaves for D'sala. and Brian has been alerted as well. so all support is in line!!!! hurray.
it is hard for me to leave at such a point. i was really intending to see her through the last and final chemo and make sure all things were good before leaving. but the wheels are in motion, and i have to get going. i'm glad that i know she is in good hands though, so it will be ok. the Hotel is a wonderful place for her, we have been so lucky.
i will be stateside by the end of June. yikes. i've been in the "Margi bubble" for awhile now, the US will be another shock again.
so now i will be one of the blog watchers waiting for updates and info!
until then,
cm
well, actually, there hasn't been a chemo #6 yet, since Margi's WBC (white blood count) was too low for them to safely give the chemo. so she had an extra night in the hospital and was given some IV solutions to help boost her system and then will have the chemo today, pending results from the lab.
it is surprising that her count was low, since she seems to be doing ok (no fever, no diarrhea). she did have a couple of tougher days this past time in D'sala with some diarrhea and a short-lived fever, but that had seemed to pass without incident, so it leaves us all a bit perplexed. Margi was thinking that the insecticide spray at the hotel might have contributed to her not feeling so well....just too much for her system to handle with chemo and everything else.
they did a chest xray yesterday, but that was clear. she has been feeling more lightheaded these past couple of weeks, but that doesn't seem to be related to the low WBC count, according to the doctors. when i spoke to her this morning, she was feeling better, so the IV has done something good.
Margi is entertaining herself at the hospital while i am running around trying to do the last minute things before i leave. thank goodness Deane is coming so that Margi will have someone to be with her when i leave! their train tickets have been changed to Sunday night to accomodate the chemo schedule. it will be a hot couple of days for Deane, but there is AC to retreat so i'm sure she'll be entertained with all that is around here.
i've contacted her friends here in Delhi, so they know that she might need some support in the next few days before she leaves for D'sala. and Brian has been alerted as well. so all support is in line!!!! hurray.
it is hard for me to leave at such a point. i was really intending to see her through the last and final chemo and make sure all things were good before leaving. but the wheels are in motion, and i have to get going. i'm glad that i know she is in good hands though, so it will be ok. the Hotel is a wonderful place for her, we have been so lucky.
i will be stateside by the end of June. yikes. i've been in the "Margi bubble" for awhile now, the US will be another shock again.
so now i will be one of the blog watchers waiting for updates and info!
until then,
cm
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
Leaving the mountains
Tomorrow Margi and I will leave Dharamsala for Delhi - me to prepare to fly back to California on Friday, Margi to get ready for chemo #6, scheduled for Monday. Carolyn will join us in Delhi, and will be with Margi through chemo #6 and just after; another California friend, Deane, will join Margi the night of June 14, then train back to Dharamsala with her on June 15, the same night Carolyn flies back to the U.S. It was serendipitous (and very kind) of Deane to reschedule her arrival from June 19 to June 14, to connect with Margi in time to travel with her back to the mountains.
It's been a lovely and rich time for me here. I will think about these three weeks for a long time. Here's a poem written in the first few days of being at Pema Thang Guesthouse. It's based on a partial fallacy (if you look really, really hard, you can see that the blue prayerflags on the horizon actually do still have some words on them, albeit very faded), but I stand by my false premise.
PEMA THANG
All the words have drained
from blue prayerflags
encircling the guesthouse.
Faded by wind and rain,
they move beyond description.
Line ends tethered to the roof peak
suspend pink yellow green
sheets still wearing pleas,
but on horizon line
turquoise pages float
blank and eloquent
before pines, misty valley.
It's been a lovely and rich time for me here. I will think about these three weeks for a long time. Here's a poem written in the first few days of being at Pema Thang Guesthouse. It's based on a partial fallacy (if you look really, really hard, you can see that the blue prayerflags on the horizon actually do still have some words on them, albeit very faded), but I stand by my false premise.
PEMA THANG
All the words have drained
from blue prayerflags
encircling the guesthouse.
Faded by wind and rain,
they move beyond description.
Line ends tethered to the roof peak
suspend pink yellow green
sheets still wearing pleas,
but on horizon line
turquoise pages float
blank and eloquent
before pines, misty valley.
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Weather Report
Yesterday was sunny and a little hot (Dharamsala hot, not Delhi hot), and Margi was feeling good in early afternoon, so we went to Bhagsu and did the walk up to the waterfall. Margi wants everybody who's done the walk with her before to know that the pool at the bottom of the waterfall was really full, deep enough that it was shoulder height on a (short) Korean man who alternately stood posing for photographs and swimming about.
We spent some quiet time on her favorite rectangular rock slab above the cascades, listening to the water, then visited her friend Aju at his chai shop nearby for a cup of delicious extra-ginger chai.
Today began sunny, then turned to early afternoon rain, lightning and thunder. I've just been out walking around the temple grounds, now that the rain has stopped, after a morning of writing in my room.
It's beautiful here, and we're having a good time, and Margi obviously thrives in this environment. She still has some days of weakness and illness, with the aftereffects of the chemotherapy and general bodily depletion, but she also has many very good days, like yesterday.
We spent some quiet time on her favorite rectangular rock slab above the cascades, listening to the water, then visited her friend Aju at his chai shop nearby for a cup of delicious extra-ginger chai.
Today began sunny, then turned to early afternoon rain, lightning and thunder. I've just been out walking around the temple grounds, now that the rain has stopped, after a morning of writing in my room.
It's beautiful here, and we're having a good time, and Margi obviously thrives in this environment. She still has some days of weakness and illness, with the aftereffects of the chemotherapy and general bodily depletion, but she also has many very good days, like yesterday.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
At Pema Thang
We're settled into rooms at one of Margi's favorite guesthouses, Pema Thang. We transfered there from Angus's house yesterday afternoon.
After walking around the temple grounds on the hill below and opposite the guesthouse yesterday afternoon, and having dinner at a restaurant not far from Pema Thang, we separated with the idea that we'll meet up for dinner tonight.
Those of you who have been here know that if Margi is walking all the way to the temple grounds, and up and down the steep hills without trouble, she's doing just fine. She's eager to get back to making collages, and in fact may have started that today.
I now refer to where we are as "Dorlindia." Margi and I became friends at Dorland Mountain Arts Colony 13 years ago. We've agreed we'll have plenty of separate private time in which to do our work. We also made a ground rule, though, that if she needs something at times we aren't planning to be together, she'll call me.
She looks great, she's eating well, she seems completely recovered from the bug that bit her just before we left Delhi.
After walking around the temple grounds on the hill below and opposite the guesthouse yesterday afternoon, and having dinner at a restaurant not far from Pema Thang, we separated with the idea that we'll meet up for dinner tonight.
Those of you who have been here know that if Margi is walking all the way to the temple grounds, and up and down the steep hills without trouble, she's doing just fine. She's eager to get back to making collages, and in fact may have started that today.
I now refer to where we are as "Dorlindia." Margi and I became friends at Dorland Mountain Arts Colony 13 years ago. We've agreed we'll have plenty of separate private time in which to do our work. We also made a ground rule, though, that if she needs something at times we aren't planning to be together, she'll call me.
She looks great, she's eating well, she seems completely recovered from the bug that bit her just before we left Delhi.
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
In McLeod Ganj
Just a quick note to let you know we arrived safely in McLeod Ganj. Margi had a hard time on the train this time because she was seriously depleted and feeling unwell - she blames it on the insecticide sprayed in the hotel corridor the day before we left the Prince Polonia, on top of chemo #5. I didn't realize how weak she was feeling until after my first India post. She has given me permission to tell you about her swan dive backwards in the middle of the night - the most graceful faint imaginable, crumpling backward so that her head landed gently on the Salman Rushdie novel conveniently placed about five feet inside the door. Neither of us slept a great deal on the overnight train, her from indigestion, achy body and general debilitation, me from concern that she might tumble down again.
However, now we are safely enconsced at Angus's beautiful house above the town, and after resting all day yesterday her appetite has perked up, she's looking much better, and we've even gone for two short walks together.
Day after tomorrow we'll move to the Pema Thang guesthouse in town, but for now we have an idyllic spot up the mountain, a good place to rest, rejuvenate, and read (the three rs).
However, now we are safely enconsced at Angus's beautiful house above the town, and after resting all day yesterday her appetite has perked up, she's looking much better, and we've even gone for two short walks together.
Day after tomorrow we'll move to the Pema Thang guesthouse in town, but for now we have an idyllic spot up the mountain, a good place to rest, rejuvenate, and read (the three rs).
Monday, May 22, 2006
leaving Delhi
hello hello,
well, i have just said goodbye to Margi and Penelope and will miss all the adventures that they will be having! it was nice to hear Penelope's reactions to India since i'm so used to the oddities (like becoming an attraction just because you're a foreigner)and the auto rickshaw wild rides.
i'm sure that Penelope will love Dharamsala as much as Margi does and will appreciate having the quiet time to write and relax after the few hot and busy days in Delhi.
i leave tomorrow morning for another town in the foothills of the Himalayas called Shimla. well, actually i am going to Dolanji, which is south of Shimla. it is the where the Menri Monastery is located. The Menri Monastery is the home of the Tibetan Bon (the indigenous Tibetan religion)and there is also an orphanage and school for the children. www.bonchildrenshome.com if you want to get more information.
i became involved with this group through my volunteer work at Pacific Asia Museum in Pasadena. Latri Nyima Dakpa Rinpoche, the administrator of BCH, has given a couple of talks at Pacific Asia Museum on the Bon tradition. so, i figured, while i was in the neighborhood (so to speak), i would visit them! i'm looking forward to seeing the town and their organization.
i am also hoping to visit Shimla and some of the towns in the area, but am leaving my plans open to see how it goes. Shimla was the summer capital of the British Raj and is supposed to be nice.
i will come back to Delhi when Margi and Penelope return and will be here for Chemo #6 and then will be flying back to LA.
but for now i'm back on the road. i'll be missing my traveling companions but am looking forward to getting out of the heat and congestion again and seeing something new!
cm
well, i have just said goodbye to Margi and Penelope and will miss all the adventures that they will be having! it was nice to hear Penelope's reactions to India since i'm so used to the oddities (like becoming an attraction just because you're a foreigner)and the auto rickshaw wild rides.
i'm sure that Penelope will love Dharamsala as much as Margi does and will appreciate having the quiet time to write and relax after the few hot and busy days in Delhi.
i leave tomorrow morning for another town in the foothills of the Himalayas called Shimla. well, actually i am going to Dolanji, which is south of Shimla. it is the where the Menri Monastery is located. The Menri Monastery is the home of the Tibetan Bon (the indigenous Tibetan religion)and there is also an orphanage and school for the children. www.bonchildrenshome.com if you want to get more information.
i became involved with this group through my volunteer work at Pacific Asia Museum in Pasadena. Latri Nyima Dakpa Rinpoche, the administrator of BCH, has given a couple of talks at Pacific Asia Museum on the Bon tradition. so, i figured, while i was in the neighborhood (so to speak), i would visit them! i'm looking forward to seeing the town and their organization.
i am also hoping to visit Shimla and some of the towns in the area, but am leaving my plans open to see how it goes. Shimla was the summer capital of the British Raj and is supposed to be nice.
i will come back to Delhi when Margi and Penelope return and will be here for Chemo #6 and then will be flying back to LA.
but for now i'm back on the road. i'll be missing my traveling companions but am looking forward to getting out of the heat and congestion again and seeing something new!
cm
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